Love After Midnight

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Helping take care of my younger siblings proved it, but its different when its your own. I got pregnant with my first young, luckily I has out of high school and deciding if I wanted to go back to college. When I found out tho it was an eye opener, I knew I wanted kids but I didnt think it would be then n finding out after I broke up with my bf. So I had a lot coming at me at once, also I had to figure out how to tell my parents. I could have give him up for adoption ( abortion isn’t for me, not judging those who have had or considered it), but I couldn’t see myself carrying a bay for 9 months then giving him away after all the kicks, and talking to it, and listening to the heart beat n the doctor saying everything looking good n its healthy. There were some set backs like being told I had to move out, or finding out I hadn’t worked through family issues and was afraid I’d turn into my parents. I put on a brave face tho and went with it. Talked things out with my father n ended up living with him and eventually getting back together. Finally working through family issues and realizing my parents did the best they could with the examples of love they were given and I had to make sure I did better and learn from the things I didnt like growing up and making sure it wasnt like that for my baby. Not gonna lie it was crazy stressful being happy one minute n then totally scared and blah the next cause you aren’t sure you can really do it. It all changed though when he was born and I held him. In the moment I didnt care about my childhood trauma or my fevers of not being enough or raising him right. He was something I made and was forever apart of me and I would move heaven and hell to make sure he knew he was loved and wanted. That even though we might struggle here and there I wouldnt change it for the world. So the day I decided to keep him and then giving birth changed me step by step in so many ways.  I understood I wasnt just living for me anymore that this little person I created needed me, needed me to grow up and be responsible, to continue to learn my love language and how to show him not say say I loved him n would be there for him. I also went back to school not right away but eventually. Right now I am exactly where I wish to be in life but im make the moves to get there, him and his brothers see that n hopefully im a positive example that even thru struggle you can still make it. Hell I hope they dont struggle and learn to do things differently n hopefully better than me so they dont have to work as hard.